Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
As shirtless as possible
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
