Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
