your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
