im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Randomize
