Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
