...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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