I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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