so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
