Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.

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(443): View more from Maryland

The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.

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(337): View more from Louisiana

you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm

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(314): View more from Missouri

I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.

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(480): View more from Arizona

From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.

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(765): View more from Indiana

We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity

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