i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
