Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
