It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
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