You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
People in love make me want to vomit
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize