in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
