I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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