dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
