i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
