dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize