school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
