So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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