If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
