He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
last night I used snow as a chaser
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