YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
