last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Randomize
