After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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