I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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