yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
