Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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