Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
