I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
