this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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