I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
