checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
