youre lurking in front of me
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
