my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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