im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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