So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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