She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize