AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
