I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
