i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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