Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize