what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
