he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
