omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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