I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
