no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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