My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
