Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
