Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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