i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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