You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
