Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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