i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
