8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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