i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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