When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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