I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
