Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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