Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
